One Thing You Can Do Today To Become A Better Leader

A few years ago, I knew I needed to move to a new level in my leadership skills. I seemed to be hitting a ceiling with the people I was leading, and I couldn't quite shake it. I was still determining where to turn when a Researcher doing an obscure study of innovative leaders in my profession and their emotional health invited me to participate in the study. As part of the study, I took the EQi 2.0, an Emotional Intelligence assessment. As Payment for being a subject in the study, I would receive an hour coaching session going over my results. What I learned was eye-opening.

While my overall score was high compared to others who took the test, my empathy score was-- um, deficient. When we talked, I realized this was the missing link to go to the next level in my leadership. I began to look at my emotional intelligence, which wasn't fixed based on my environment but something I could take ownership of and improve over time. It also had another significant effect on me. It made me come to grips with my past and the dysfunction in my family. It was my reaction to the constant barrage of emotional shrapnel from my mother's verbal grenades that caused me to put a defense around any emotion that I felt uncomfortable around, and I was a fighter when I was scared. Translating this to work, I became the grenade launcher.

What I Learned That Made Me Become A Better Leader

It seriously impeded my ability to be a great leader. But it wasn't from a place of narcissism. It came from a place of anxiety and deep insecurity. While I registered low in empathy, it was my unique gift to feel people deeply, and not having the awareness nor the tools to channel this ability caused my defenses to flare and react as if I had little empathy for the people in front of me. I needed to handle uncomfortable emotions in real-time without blowing someone up or bulldozing an entire meeting's agenda. Here is what helped: I recognized and named my feelings.

Unnamed emotions lead to untamed reactions.

We must get better at calming the storm inside ourselves so we can navigate the storm on our teams, businesses, and the economy. You name it. When we calm ourselves, people can trust that we will help them get through the difficult time. Naming the emotions we feel creates an ability to deal with them head-on without hurting others in the process.

It's the number one quality I see in the most remarkable leaders. When the heat is on, they don't melt under pressure. They are calm, cool, collected, and in control of their state. Without naming the emotions—acknowledging them—we will either overreact or underreact. We will not respond with clarity and grace in the moment, which creates fear in the people we lead.

Gary Vaynerchuk once said that the no. 1 job of a leader is to eliminate fear from their team.

I believe him.

But the only way you can do that is to acknowledge and own your fear. If you don't, you will project that fear onto your team.

In the game of leadership, there are no pros, only veterans, and from one veteran to another, Know that the number one thing you can do to become a better leader today is name your emotions so you can deal with them head-on rather than trying to dump them all over your team.

I would love to share with you how I did it, you can always grab some time with me, and we can go deep! click here, and I would love to meet with you and help you become a better leader!